Rules to Survive Life in Avenger Tower
by NotAnAngel97
Summary: Throwing all the Avengers into one place was always going to be a disaster. Rated T for some mild suggestion and because I'm paranoid


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers :(**

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1\. Thor is not allowed watch movies in 3D until he understands the concept that, no, the characters cannot climb out of the screen. Tony refuses to replace any more TVs after a Lord of the Rings marathon.

2\. Perching on any fridges, bookshelves or ceiling fans is discouraged.

3\. Asking Natasha is it her time of the month when she is in a bad mood is done at your own peril.

4\. Tony is not allowed instruct JARVIS to play Ice Ice Baby every time Loki enters a room.

5\. Similarly, Tony is not allowed play 'Gods and Monsters' every time Loki and Thor enter a room together.

6\. Steve is not to go on the internet by himself, as a repeat of the porn incident is not desired.

7\. Do not tell Bruce to calm down if you record over the newest episode of Criminal Minds, because he will unleash the Hulk. You have been warned.

8\. Do not tell Bruce that Reid is a boring character because he will release the Hulk. You have been warned.

9\. Anyone caught playing Justin Bieber, Nicki Minaj or One Direction will have their entire music library erased. Ignorance is not an excuse.

10\. Loki is not allowed watch Frozen more than three times a day, no matter how much he identifies with Elsa.

11\. Tony is allowed drink as much as he wants, so asking him if he thinks he's had enough is not a good idea.

12\. Thor is allowed five boxes of Pop-Tarts at most every day. Resist the puppy eyes. It will be hard, but you can do it. Suggest practising on a tea-cup pig.

13\. Teasing Natasha for crying at 12 Years A Slave will lead to your quick and sudden demise.

14\. Clint is not allowed watch Arrow if he spends every episode criticizing Oliver's technique and style.

15\. Steve and Bruce are the only ones allowed cook for everybody using the oven in the kitchen. If anyone else is getting dinner, there is a list of the best takeaways in New York on the fridge.

16\. Loki and Tony are not allowed have sex in the living room, the den, the library, the home cinema, the kitchen, the dining room, anyone else's bedroom or on the Helipad. Again.

17\. Bruce's camomile tea is not girly and yes men can drink it.

18\. Tony is not allowed watch Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter with Clint, as it will devolve into a screaming war of Dumbledore vs Gandalf.

19\. Do not call Loki a Smurf. Ever.

20\. Do not tell Thor that his shampoo is for women.

21\. Dying Captain America's uniform the colours of the Canadian flag is not funny.

22\. Do not ask Fury if he was a pirate in a former life.

23\. Do not bring up Chuck Norris jokes around Thor.

24\. Clint is not allowed imitate Legolas by surfing down the stairs on Captain America's shield shooting arrows.

25\. Threatening Natasha with a shoe yelling 'I'll get it!' is only advisable if you wish to die. Painfully.

26\. Trying to psychoanalyse everyone because he saw it on Criminal Minds is not a suitable pastime for Bruce.

27\. Fanfiction is forbidden in Avenger Tower. Explaining Thorki to Thor and Loki is too stressful.

28\. Never ever, ever mention The Great Cluedo Game. And no, it's not actually possible for the victim to have done it.

29\. Covering Bruce's walls with 'Keep Calm' posters is discouraged.

30\. Tony is not allowed have JARVIS play 'I Need A Hero' every time the Avengers are called upon.

31\. When watching Game of Thrones, Natasha is not allowed make snide comments about how it differs from the book, Tony is not allowed shout out he ships it every time Cersei and Jaime are on-screen together, Bruce is not allowed ask to switch over to Criminal Minds, Loki is not allowed to cheer every time the White Walkers are attacking someone, Steve is not allowed to blush every time people get naked, have sex, curse or do all the following at once and Clint is not allowed to comment continuously about the filming of Game of Thrones, random facts about the characters or something he saw in an interview clip on YouTube.

32\. Hiding strippers in Steve's room is not funny.

33\. Dying Bruce's entire wardrobe green so that if he Hulks out, he won't clash with his clothes is not doing him a favour.

34\. Do not talk about families in Avenger Tower. Fury refuses to send any more therapists.

35\. Saying that Tauriel could be Clint and Natasha's daughter is a bad idea. Saying it's because she's a BAMF redhead who can shoot arrows is even worse.

36\. No matter how drunk he is, Tony is not to shout out for an Avengers orgy after a successful mission.

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**If there is enough response to this, I might do one-shots for the more popular rules. Review your favourite rules and I'll go with the majority.**


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